This isn’t the first time I’m addressing myself as different.
I don’t know how to put this. But I always find myself standing dangerously at the brink of an argument.
Most of the time I’d easily dive/fall into it and fight my way through it.
And now I’m trying to hang on to railings or whoever’s  holding on to  me, forbidding me to fall or dive in.
I’m backing off by keeping quiet.
My momsie says that I have to learn how to give and take.
A compromise.
What is it that gets me into these all the time?
Anger? My strong views? Clashing opinions?

I feel alone all the time. It’s become a constant companion. Even though I have the Monsters and my friends in the YLs and people like Nick, I still feel alone.
I have that need to be alone and be sucked into the silence and emptiness.

And then… the cycle repeats itself again.


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